Learning to Drive: Lesson: Night Driving


 2/28/2018

Close friends and family know a little something about me.  I'm totally night blind.  I have to wear glasses to drive in the dark.  During the light of day, thanks to Lasik surgery, my vision is 20/20. I am confident in what I see before me.  But at night, my large pupils grow ever larger in the dark, desperately seeking light to make sense of surroundings.  My peripheral vision closes in, narrowing my field of vision even more. 

As a visual learner, I base a lot of my feelings of security on sight, and react in kind.  I seek validation of truth by what is in my sights.  Oddly (or not), this even translates to my yoga practice, I can only balance when I can hold something clearly in my line of sight.  As soon as I close my eyes and try to balance on one foot, I topple. 

And now here I am. In unfamiliar dark territory. Trying desperately to see a road on which to drive. 
Unsurprisingly, I'm stronger, more confident in the daytime; in the light of day.  I come up with plans and make my many lists. I research and strike out into unknown areas of self improvement.  As soon as darkness falls, I become more fearful, emotional,,,,lost. 

Like many young children, I was afraid of the dark. Many was the night when I would brave that black hallway to my mom's bedside, running as if pursued; sure that horrific monsters were snapping at my heels.  She always said the same thing: There's nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light.
There's nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light.

Everyone, everywhere, pay heed to a mother's wisdom.  I shall cling to these words now; more tightly than any terrified 6 year old.  When night comes and the path becomes murky, I'll take a deep breath.  I might even pull over to the side of the road and just breathe.  Because all of this strength that I'm discovering in the daylight is still there; waiting for me to use in the shadows.  I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm worthy.  I'm more than a lost, scared innocent; frantically straining my eyes into the blackness for any path.  The same route that I had spied in the sunlight exists in the wee small hours of the morning. Mom was right, of course. 

Already, at this witching hour, I feel calmer having seen the clarity of my mother's long ago mantra; now my nightly mantra. I am going to find my way. I am going to thrive. I am going to seek and find adventure, life, love, success, joy.  In the golden sunshine, or by the light of a silvery moon,  I will be more than ok.  Tomorrow I'm going to set up an audition appointment. I'm going to set money aside for a yoga certification. I'm going to begin an apartment hunt in earnest. I'm going to practice and perform the music I love so much.  I'm going to be with friends and I'm going to BE a true friend.  I'm going to look at my budget and figure out my immediate and not so immediate future.  I'm also doing that here and now, in the dark.  After all, there is nothing there in the dark that isn't there in the light; this makes the reverse true as well.  I can bring the lessons and accomplishments of the light into the dark, and they won't change. They won't lose strength or truth.  And the light has so so much to offer; I just have to keep driving. I am no longer afraid of the dark. When evening falls, I'll just put on my glasses. I've always loved the light of the moon, especially when it's bright enough to see by. 

"Moon- yoga",,,,hmmmm, that's an idea. 

I will even start practicing some daily yoga balances,, eyes closed.
Thanks mom.

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